Clark County Gang of 14

by lewwaters

By PROFESSOR ROBERT DEAN

Tim L: Welcome to the first annual meeting of the Clark County Gang of 14. The meeting will now come to order. Tap! Tap!

Jeanne H: Gimme that gavel!

Tim L: Back off, Jeanne. We had that one gilded.

Jack B: Bravo, Tim!

Tim L: First order of…

Jack B: Business

Tim L: Business  – we need to…

Steve S:  Congratulate.

Tim L: Congratulate ourselves for pushing through the new admissions tax for the giant trash burning woodstove Downtown.

Steve S: Oh God!

Scott H: Point of order! The tax was for the baseball stadium.

Tim L: Quite right. I was getting ahead of myself. Which brings us to the second order of business – we need a mission statement.

Rhona S: We have one of them at the Columbian. You could just use ours.

Tim L: Thank you Rhona. But mission statements serve an important feel-good function and the exercise of formulation cannot be dispensed with.

Bart H: And besides, I think we should write our own.

Tim L:  Great! So I thought we would do a free flowing brainstorming session; stream of consciousness. Just say whatever comes to your mind – don’t think about it. Our Secretary will write down each suggestion.

Lou B: Got it!

Tim L:  OK, what is our purpose?

Tim S: Generate government contracts!

Royce P: Silence the majority!

Eli K: Feed at the trough!

Steve S: Run for Congress!

Ed L: Snap up distressed real estate!

Tim S: Schmooze the elected officials who hand out the government contracts.

John L: Screw the tea-baggers!

Tim L: OK, that’s probably enough. Lou, could you read those back?

Lou B: Clark County Gang of 14 Statement of Purpose – Our mission is to enhance the economic vitality of Clark County by fostering public involvement, promoting public/private partnerships and investment opportunities, and promoting community harmony through a shared vision for a prosperous future.

John L: Screw the public!

Tim L: Thanks Lou! I think you got it all. Obviously, we’ll have to massage it a bit to distill it down to the essence of what we’re trying to achieve. Maybe have some of your staff work on it a little.

John L: Screw the home-schoolers!

Lou B: I’ll put Stephanie on it. She has a real knack for these verbatim quotes.

Tim L: Next item, do we have anything for Good of the Order?

Steve S: I’d like to nominate a new member – Marc Boldt.

John L: Over my dead body!

Tim L: Are you sure, Steve? Can we trust him? Didn’t Marc used to be conservative?

Royce P: Didn’t you used to be against tolls?

Tim L: That’s not fair, Royce! You and I both know that was only so I…

Steve S: He’s sworn off that. He promised me.

Steve H: Move we table the nomination.

Tim L: Very good! Next meeting we will restore jobs and prosperity to Clark County. Until then, meeting is adjourned! Play ball!

6 Comments to “Clark County Gang of 14”

  1. Larry P: We will not be dictated to!!

    Charlie S: Coffee? Tea? City Council??

    Jerry O: I like pancakes!

    Temple: Go &$#& yourself Professor!

    Like

  2. You little people think you’re pretty damned cute, but I got some hot news for you, along with a pipe I’d like to lay up beside your empty heads!!

    Too much free speech going on here, that’s for sure! Buncha whiners, losers, sore toes, bad teeth, CAVEs, NIMBYS, BANANNAs, and other assorted fruitcakes, and all of ya live on the wrong side of I-5 to suit me! Nobody worth listening to in Vancouver gives a squat what any voter outside of the 48th thinks about anything, especially you perpetually disrespectful bloggers who aren’t worth a fart in a whirlwind compared to the REAL electronic journalism that goes on at a REAL website like The Columbian.

    If I had my way, there would be a lot less of you whiners around to scare the rest of the sheep, I can promise ya that! I’d like to put the lot of ya to work out at Camp Bonneville doing some REAL work for The People, digging for old landmines with your personal soup spoons!

    I’ve had it with the way you constantly denigrate and question the honesty of that fine young Mayor of ours, and I promise you haven’t heard the last of me on this!!

    Like

  3. My, my “Molly”, your mail-order “Troll” course is a total flop. It sure isn’t working. Perhaps you should ask for a total refund. Have your mommie help you write the letter.

    Like

  4. Yes, Jack.. I think we have a “troll-olola” impersonator here. I would Molly Ivans Laird to please comeback & have a discourse with us. Or is she just going to hit on her trombone and blow her own horn over at her own paid-for website….

    To Professor Robert Dean! Thank you for making me laugh SO hard. I so needed that after years of dealing with the impersonating politicians-in-white. 🙂 And Bob, your little snippet is right up there, if some people knew the people from your snippet.

    And now back to Obscene Lane, where the people of Vancouver can obfuscate the real truth behind the mechanical magic….

    Like

  5. “Jeremty”?

    Like

  6. Jack, is was a mis-spell and typographical error? -t for me….

    Like

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