Dashed Dreams of our Fathers

by lewwaters

Submitted by Professor Robert Dean

Bill B: Gentlemen, as County Manager, I have convened this workshop of the Clark County Commissioners to discuss the opportunity to heat and power county buildings in Downtown Vancouver using alternative energy sources – specifically, a bio-mass plant. Commissioner Steve S., I believe this was your idea.

Steve S: Thank you Bill! Yes, as you all know I am not a one-trick pony. Like the President, I have friends on both sides of the environmental protection movement. I was approached by some well-dressed fellows in black suits – I’m not sure which side they were on – who made us a business proposition we couldn’t refuse.

Marc B: I’m agin it!

Steve S: But Marc, why?

Marc B: I’m agin it! My dear old Dad was a farmer. He told me, Son – always be agin it. I have to remain true to his admonition. It’s what I stand for. It’s who I am.

Steve S: But you haven’t heard what their offer is.

Marc B: I’m agin it!

Steve S: OK, Tom, are you interested?

Tom M: I’m listening.

Marc B: Sort of one of my core principles, you might say.

Steve S: OK, right before they left a horse’s head on my pillow, they said for a mere $395,000.00 down, we could build a giant detritus-burning power plant Downtown.

Tom M: $395,000.00 is a lot of money.

Steve S: Yes, but it allows us to take advantage of a $225,000.00 federal block grant that’s just hanging out there.

Marc B: Block grant? You mean freebies?

Steve S: Yes!

Marc B: I like freebies!

Bill B: It’s not so simple Marc. Federal block grants come with strings attached

Marc B: Freebie strings?

Bill B: Usually, they are matching funds.

Marc B: I like matching funds!

Tom M: Detritus?

Steve S: Detritus – debris – trash – garbage.

Tom M: Won’t that be smelly?

Bill B: We thought of that. We hired one of the top consulting firms in Vancouver. They suggest we burn green slash left over from logging operations.

Steve S: They’re still logging? I thought we shu…

Bill B: Even though it will still give off odors, they say the plant will be no worse than the papermaking plant in Downtown Camas.

Tom M: I …don’t… know.

Marc B: $225,000.00?

Bill B: Another suggestion was that we use detritus from the Frito-Lay plant. That way, it will smell like roasted tortillas.

Tom M: Well, if it provides a market for slash for our woodland owners, I say let’s do it!

Marc B: I’m in.

Bill B: One glitch. The bio-mass plant will have to go on County-owned land zoned Light Industrial. We’re not so sure this fits.

Steve S: Let’s ask our Prosecuting Attorney Civil Division.

Chris H: It’s been my experience hot air rises. What could be lighter than that?

Bronson P: Slam dunk!

Bill B: Thanks, fellas! Next problem: how do we truck the slash from the landings to the plant Downtown?

Marc B: Let’s get an FTA grant to extend light rail into the rural areas and out to the landings.

Steve S: That’s it then! Let’s do it.

Tim L: Not so fast!

Marc B: Ah yes! The NIMBYs!

Tim L: If you think you’re going to build a giant trash burning woodstove in Downtown Vancouver you’ve got another thing coming!

Steve S: Don’t listen to him. He just wants to edge me out of Jaime’s congressional seat.

Tim L: We’re putting a moratorium on all development in the Light Industrial Zone until we find a way to block you for good!

Ring Ring!

Steve S: Excuse me. I’ve got to take this call. Hello…no, the City nixed it…I know it’s just business…a boat ride?…Great! Thanks!…I don’t have any cannoli.

6 Comments to “Dashed Dreams of our Fathers”

  1. Too bad you whiners, NIMBYS, CAVES, BANNANAS and other misfits and miscreants don’t know a good thing when you see it.

    That extra electricity would have come in handy to power the automatic toll system on the new Interstate Bridges and maybe a nice Trolley through downtown.

  2. John, you might stick that message in your personally fired electric air furnace you built in your office for those times you need to get rid of paperwork in a just, fast and expedient manner, forthwith.

    Robert Dean did a wonderful parody of local politics like DailyCouve does. And some cases, I personally wonder why he does not setup his own blog/web site? He’s shows a wonderful ability, thoughtfulness and command of our english language. Along with ability to really get the basic tenor of the image we hold of politicians and growing contempt for the ineptitude of our political chorus line that seems to continue to blather on with only one of two leaders tooting their horns while the others incantate the symbolized ideology behind it.

    Oh, that’s right. It sounds like John trying to imitate the Occupy moment. He says one thing and gets all of the locals to repeat it?

  3. This whole mess has been completely overcome by events according to my morning paper, so it appears this us a lot of hoopla about nothing.

    Moving on.

  4. Bob, you steaming on to riding roughshod on the BRT-LRT finally? 🙂

  5. But Hey, what do I know??

  6. Yep, HE’s Back! 🙂

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