Submitted by Professor Robert Dean
The 170’ high Crescent City Connection Bridge blocks passage of a Carnival cruise ship on the Mississippi River at New Orleans
Paul M: Tap, Tap, meeting in session.
Paul M: I’ve called this emergency meeting of Identity Vancouver because, as you’ve already been told, the judge ordered us to let the people of the City of Vancouver vote on light rail.
All: Grumble. Shocking. Tea bagger…
Jim M: Yay!!!
Paul M: Excuse me? Jim, did you say something?
Jim M: No, nothing. I just said yay.
Tim L: What’d you mean by that?
Jim M: Nothing. Just that I’m happy that we get to show those goofballs, Madore and company, that the people of Vancouver really do want light rail.
Paul M: What on earth makes you think that?
Jim M: Well, you for one thing. When you sent me that last check you also sent a fax saying we were to tell everyone that the people actually want light rail.
Tim L: Yeah, I got that, too. But, it had a line of Xs across the top. That means it’s facts that we are supposed to tell the public – not facts we are supposed to believe ourselves.
Jim M: Oh!
Jim M: I don’t look at anything unless it has at least 3 Xs. When I saw those 11 Xs I thought…
Jack B: Wait a minute, I thought that was why we gerrymandered the last C-Tran vote. Why’d we go to all that trouble unless there was a better chance of getting light rail approved if we excluded the rural folks who have to pay but don’t get a vote?
Jim M: I was wondering why there were no pictures.
Paul M: It was worth a shot, Jack, but it didn’t work – did it?
Larry S: Well, what about the Columbian poll?
Paul M: Yeah, that’s right. We paid a lot of money for that, too. Lou, what happened there?
Lou B: Slam dunk! Great timing, too. In a week when the Washington Legislature was killing funding and the Senate was calling for investigations and the Downtown merchants were holding rallies attended by hundreds and Congresswoman Jaime Herrera and State Senator Don Benton were taking turns publicly carving up Federal Transportation Secretary Ray La Hood, we were able to keep all those stories out of print while we published the results of our poll – sorry, your poll.
Jim M: See? See? That’s what I’ve been saying!
Paul M: Careful, Jim, remember what we said about facts for public consumption and not painting yourself into a corner?
Jim M: Huh?
Lou B: Yep! And Eric and Aaron did a masterful job spinning it just right.
Jim M: Are you saying the poll didn’t come out so well after all?
Lou B: Oh, no! No, not at all – the poll was great. It took several iterations but in the end we got it say that there is slim support for light rail in Vancouver.
Jim M: Yay!!!
Tim L: So we can let the vote go forward after all?
Ted G: Great! Now you tell me?
Paul M: We’ve got no choice – do we? Lou, tell them now, I guess.
Lou B: Well, OK, here’s the rub. The poll showed that an awful lot of people don’t know beans about the CRC or their local government. It seems they just trust us to look out for their interests all the time.
Jim M: Of course! How many even know that I sued them so we could tax them more? Thanks for spinning that and leaving my name out, by the way, Lou.
Lou B: Well, Jim, we’re all in this together.
Lou B: Anyway, the poll showed that the more people learned about the CRC, and what it will cost them, the more they were opposed to the idea.
Tim L: How could they learn what it costs? I haven’t told them.
Paul M: Nobody has, Tim. That’s why we issued a benefits analysis and not a benefits/cost analysis.
Larry S: We should be OK then?
Lou B: Not quite.
Paul M: That’s right, Lou. You see, Larry, after the failure of C-Tran’s Proposition 1 last year, the City of Vancouver is going to be asking for tax increases to pay for the Operations and Maintenance of the light rail itself. That gets around RCW 81.104, the HCT Act, which says the people have to vote on O & M.
Larry S: Sure the people have to vote on O & M but Jeanne Stewart points out that both the C-Tran and RTC resolutions approving the CRC Locally Preferred Alternative say that it’s the C-Tran voters who have to vote.
Paul M: Yes, that’s a problem – so is Jeanne Stewart. But, we’re shopping for an attorney in Seattle who will find a way around that. Might have to go to San Francisco.
Larry S: Well, what about it, Mr. Mayor? I’m Mayor Pro Tempore and you never told me about any of this. How is the City going to come up with the money to fund operations and maintenance of light rail?
Tim L: I was going to tell you, Larry, but I forgot.
Eric H: Jeez, Tim, I’ve been telling everyone that this petition vote is irrelevant! Now we find out that it could be the very thing that stands in the way of our circumventing the HCT Act by funding O & M for light rail ourselves.
Ted G: Makes me look like an idiot, too – thanks Tim!
Jim M: But, but, but, the people want light rail. Mike Briggs said so just yesterday.
Paul M: The poll says there is slim support for light rail – not even a majority. That support fades the more people learn about this debacle. We can’t hold a vote on any of this until November. By then, the Coast Guard will have either refused to issue a permit, or just as bad for us, issued a permit contingent on us spending $116 million of tax-payer money to move 4,000 jobs to Texas. Our vote for raising taxes to pay for O & M for light rail won’t stand a snowball’s chance in Hell.
Lou B: We could keep it out of the papers – no one would have to know.
Jim M: Next step please!
Tim L: I’m a cup half full kind of guy. I say full steam ahead.
Bart H: Build that bridge!
Larry S: Oh God!
Clark County Conservative 