Posts tagged ‘Professor Robert Dean’

October 29, 2013

(SPOOF) Ed Lynch: Turning More than Heads

by lewwaters

 

College 4A spoof by Professor Robert Dean. Where appropriate, names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Photo by Jim Mains

Photo by Jim Mains

Ed, Dollie Lynch honored for a lifetime of giving

Buzz! Buzz!

Jim Mains: Yes, Betty?

Secretary: There’s a Mr. David Madore here to see you sir. He says he has a 4 o’clock.

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October 1, 2013

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road!

by lewwaters

 

College 4Submitted by Professor Robert Dean

 

MoellerAGO 2013 No. 1 – July 01, 2013
The Honorable Jim Moeller
State Representative, District 49
PO Box 40600
Olympia, WA 98504-0600 Cite As:
AGO 2013 No. 1

Dear Representative Moeller:

By letter previously acknowledged, you have requested our opinion on a question I have paraphrased as follows:
Must a transit agency that elects to establish high capacity transportation service under RCW 81.104 obtain voter approval for its high capacity transportation system plan and financing plan even if the transit agency does not propose to use the dedicated funding sources provided for in RCW 81.104?

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June 9, 2013

Lie To Me!

by lewwaters

 

College 4Submitted by Professor Robert Dean

Leavitt Dean 1

Prof. Dean: Welcome back, Class! Let’s get started.

Prof. Dean: Welcome back to the Second Quarter of Psychology 601: TRUTH OR FICTION? I trust you all had a good break and are ready to explore the wonders of Chapter Two: Deception in the Modern Era.

Prof. Dean: You all are graduate students but we have a new guest, undergraduate Jim Moeller, who has joined us. I see him in the back there. Welcome Mr. Moeller. And, of course, we welcome back Ms. Tiffany Couch who is auditing the class. Welcome back Ms. Couch.

Prof. Dean: Now, last term we divided into groups. Each group was given an assignment to be presented to the whole class this first week of the second term. Let’s see, first up we have the Copperheads with a presentation they have titled “Lie to Me.” Sounds relevant and interesting.

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May 24, 2013

I Wish I Was a Stakeholder

by lewwaters

 

College 4Submitted by Professor Robert Dean

Shill

The Columbian article, Group forms in support of new I-5 bridge about two wealthy engineers forming an advocacy group of other self-interested CRC proponents brings to mind one my kids’ favorite bedtime books – I Wish That I Had Duck Feet by Dr. Seuss.

Sorry to butcher the first few stanzas but my mind tends to twist things around after mulling on them.

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May 23, 2013

Jim Moeller: Follow the Yellow Brick Road

by lewwaters

 

College 4Submitted by Professor Robert Dean

MoellerJim Moeller Oh Robert! Will you please quit trying to scare me with your “legal mumbo jumbo”? I don’t take you seriously I certainly hope you don’t. Clark County going bankrupt??!! Really?? How is that going to happen when there is NO county money in it? WOW! Are you that desperate to kill this Project?
18 hours ago • Like

Jim Moeller No need to answer that question, Robert. Of course you are.
18 hours ago • Like

Robert Dean: Jim, hooray! At last you are seriously questioning the project. OK, great, hang with me here, I don’t want to lose you again. OK, sit at your computer monitor and open this page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jefferson_County,_Alabama

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May 16, 2013

Local Contribution 101

by lewwaters

 

College 4Submitted by Professor Robert Dean

Let’s get started.

Mike Briggs, thank you for launching into facts, now, in the ongoing debate over the costs and benefits of the CRC to the local community. I know numbers are not your thing so I’ll try to make it simple for you.

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April 18, 2013

Judges and Voters and Scares, Oh My!

by lewwaters

 

College 4Submitted by Professor Robert Dean

The 170’ high Crescent City Connection Bridge blocks passage of a Carnival cruise ship on the Mississippi River at New Orleans

The 170’ high Crescent City Connection Bridge blocks passage of a Carnival cruise ship on the Mississippi River at New Orleans

Paul M: Tap, Tap, meeting in session.

Paul M: I’ve called this emergency meeting of Identity Vancouver because, as you’ve already been told, the judge ordered us to let the people of the City of Vancouver vote on light rail.

All: Grumble. Shocking. Tea bagger…

Jim M: Yay!!!

Paul M: Excuse me? Jim, did you say something?

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April 16, 2013

The Rose Quarter Conundrum for ODOT

by lewwaters

 

Prof Dean

 

 

Oregon Welcomes You

 

The Rose Quarter conundrum: how to reduce I-5 congestion and get Clark County commuters to pay for it?

The solution seemed so obvious with the CRC – light rail and tolls.

1) Build humungous parking garages for Portland employers on the cheaper Vancouver real estate (paid for by the Clark County commuters who work in Portland; sort of a user fee) and build a light rail employee shuttle service from the Vancouver parking lots to the Downtown Portland office towers. Let’s see, with 2,900 parking spaces (provided we don’t let anyone else use them, like Clark College students, shoppers, or those new apartment dwellers) we can take 2% of the daily traffic off of I-5.

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March 15, 2013

Columbian Newsroom: Meeting of the Mavens

by lewwaters

College 4 Satire by Professor Robert Dean

Lou Brancaccio: Heads up! Gather round! Staff meeting, meeting of the Mavens!

Erik Hidel: Mavens? Who ever says mavens?

Eric Florip: Better than “The Couve.”

Erik: Not much.

Lou: Gather, gather.

Lou: Okay, is everyone here?

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October 23, 2012

Mayor Leavitt, You’re the Man!

by lewwaters

Submitted By Professor Robert Dean

 

Ring, Ring!

Leavitt: Government Contracts R Us; Junior Civil Engineer, Tim Leavitt, speaking.

Nathan: Well, well! If it isn’t His Honor, himself!

Leavitt: Nathan? I told you not to call me about city business while I’m at work.

Nathan: Come off it, Tim! You wouldn’t even be Mayor of Vancouver if it wasn’t for me and my prophesies. And, besides, your firm donated $9,000.00 to your campaign. Don’t tell me they didn’t expect to have to share your time and attention with the rest of the city.

Leavitt: Well sure, but you’re not a big developer who can shovel work our way. You’re not even from Tri-Met.

Nathan: You mean “Loot Rail, The Gravy Train, The Crime Train?”

Leavitt: Disparage it all you want, Nathan. I’m in favor of it. I’d even break all my promises about tolls and having the local community pay 1/3 of the cost if it means we get light rail. And besides, Tri-Met hired Government Contracts R Us to be their on-call civil engineering firm. That’s a pretty big feather in our cap considering who else they could have hired instead of us. And the $100,000 doesn’t hurt, either.

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August 31, 2012

HOW MUCH FOR THE LOCAL CONTRIBUTION?

by lewwaters

 

Contributed by Professor Robert Dean

 

HOW MUCH FOR THE LOCAL CONTRIBUTION?

What are the direct costs of the CRC light rail project to the local community?

Frankly, I don’t concern myself too much about the projected $4.2 billion price tag[i] of the CRC light rail project. If the feds want to further squander our gas taxes, or borrow from China, there’s not much I can do or say that would dissuade them. I got a little more concerned, though, when, in 2010, Joe Cortright alerted us that the total 30 year cost of the CRC light rail project would approach $10 billion.

He published his report and it caught the attention of the public and the CRC. The CRC, by way of ODOT, posted a weak refutation, mostly arguing semantics; if you buy a house for $300,000 you don’t count up the mortgage payments and say you are living in a $600,000 house. To which Mr. Cortright answered: no, but you’d better be sure you can make those payments before you borrow to buy the house.

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August 22, 2012

A Bridge Too Low!

by lewwaters

 

By Professor Robert Dean

Tap! Tap!

E. Lynch: The fifth inaugural meeting of Identity Vancouver is now in session. Tonight we will try to rescue the CRC light rail project from the scrap heap. As you may know, we spent $160 million of public money designing a bridge that does not meet Coast Guard standards for shipping clearance.

M. Boldt: Also, it’s too low.

S. Stuart: Too low! How could that be? Tim, you’re an engineer, how could they build it too low?

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May 15, 2012

$10 Schmillion: A Conversation Between Mayor Leavitt & Larry Patella

by lewwaters

By Professor Robert Dean

Ring, Ring!

Leavitt: Government Contracts R Us; Junior Civil Engineer, Tim Leavitt, speaking.

Larry P: Well, well! If it isn’t Hiz Honor himself!

Leavitt: Larry? I told you not to call me about city business while I’m at work.

Larry P: Come off it, Tim! You wouldnt evn be Mayor of Vancouver if it wasn’t for me and my listserv. And, bsides, your firm donated $6,000.00 to your campaign. Dunt tell methey didn’t expect to have to share your time and attention with the rest of the city.

Leavitt: Well sure, but you’re not a big developer who can shovel work our way. You’re even against light rail.

Larry P: U mean “Loot Rail, The Gravy Train, The Crime Train?”

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January 7, 2012

Identity Vancouver Plan C:

by lewwaters

 

By Professor Robert Dean

Tap! Tap!

Scott H: Meeting will come to order! Welcome to the fourth inaugural meeting of Identity Vancouver. Tonight, we will look for alternative financing of the replacement of the I-5 bridge and light rail platform to Portland.

Tom M: Alternative financing? I thought the feds, Federal Transit Administration and Highway Administration, were going to pay a third, WSDOT and ODOT would pay a third, and the local community, Vancouver commuters who work in Portland, would pay a third. What other options are there?

Scott H: Not many. Trouble is, WSDOT and ODOT are maxed out on their bonding capacity and the feds are $15 trillion in debt. Now that the Record of Decision has been issued the next thing holding up the whole project is the Federal Transit Administration has to release about $850 million in funds for light rail. They won’t release that money unless CTRAN votes to fund maintenance and operation of light rail. That puts the CTRAN vote directly in the critical path.

Jack B: If the vote fails and the feds and states won’t fund light rail, that leaves Plan B, Vancouver commuters, tolls – we have to find a way to leverage that.

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December 24, 2011

2011 Performance Evaluations

by lewwaters

By Professor Robert Dean

Eric H: Mr., Mayor, Council, as 2011 draws to a close I thought this might be an opportune time to present you with the 2011 Performance Evaluations for each of our key staff – along with a request for a modest 3.5% pay raise for each of them. Time constraints prevent me from detailing each one and so I’ve condensed everyone’s evaluation into the one – City Consigliere. As you know, the Consigliere is ultimately responsible for all advice, from all departments that reaches the desks of the Mayor and Council.

The Consigliere’s duties are codified in Washington State Court Rules relating to the Rules of Professional Conduct for lawyers.

RPC RULE 2.1
ADVISOR
In representing a client, a lawyer shall exercise independent professional judgment and render candid advice. In rendering advice, a lawyer may refer not only to law but to other considerations such as moral, economic, social and political factors that may be relevant to the client’s situation.

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December 19, 2011

Identity Vancouver gets shanghaied:

by lewwaters

 

By Professor Robert Dean

Tap! Tap!

Scott H: Meeting will come to order! Welcome to the third inaugural meeting of Identity Vancouver. Tonight, we will plan the financing of the replacement of the I-5 bridge.

Tom M: How much will it cost?

Scott H: Nobody knows – we haven’t designed it yet.

Tom M: Oh, I see. Well, how much can we afford?

Scott H: Depends. If the feds were to pay for it all it would be free.

Tom M: The feds are broke. The President recently said we have to borrow just to pay Social Security. He sent Biden to China to line up our next trillions.

Tim L: Look, it doesn’t matter what it costs or where the money comes from as long as we get light rail. I already told Jaime Herrera Beutler that if she doesn’t get the feds to cough up we’ll build it anyway and take it out of the hides of the citizens with higher tolls.

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December 10, 2011

The Adams Doctrine and Leavitt Corollary

by lewwaters

 

By Professor Robert Dean

Lou B: Students, Economics 102 is now in session. Today, we have a guest lecturer, Professor Robert Dean, from Australia. Professor Dean is a distinguished graduate of the NPR All Things Considered from a Liberal Perspective workshop and of the Pol Pot Reeducation Camp program at the University of Phnom Penh.

Professor Dean: Before we start, I want to make sure you all have the prerequisite History and International Law classes. Good! As you know, the Federal Transit Authority has recently issued their predetermined Record of Decision on the $3.6 billion megaproject – Columbia River Crossing or CRC. The CRC ostensibly serves two major purposes: To “improve” traffic and commerce between Vancouver, Washington and Portland, Oregon; and to extend light rail into Vancouver.

Now, does anyone know who could possibly be opposed to the CRC?

Tim S: Anyone who doesn’t get one of the government contracts.

Ed L: Anyone who owns real estate in Downtown Vancouver or Jantzen Beach and can’t afford to stick out the 9 years of construction.

Jeanne H: You mean undercapitalized businesses opposed to progress?

Professor Dean: Yes, any others?

Tom M: Anyone who doesn’t live and work next to a light rail station and still has to pay for it.

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December 4, 2011

Gang of 14 Becomes Identity Vancouver:

by lewwaters

By Professor Robert Dean

Tap! Tap!

Tim L: Meeting will come to order! Welcome to the second inaugural meeting of the Clark County Gang of 14. Tonight, we will plan the replacement of the I-5 Bridge.

Eric F: You said this meeting would be devoted to bringing jobs and prosperity back to Clark County.

Tim L: Yes, but some things just come up and have to take priority.

Tom M: What could be more important than jobs and prosperity?

All: A new bridge!

Tim L: Look, it doesn’t have to be one or the other. Why can’t we have both?

Lou B: That’s a good line Tim! I think I will use that.

Tim L: First order of business, we have to change our name.

Steve S: What’s wrong with the Gang of 14?

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November 28, 2011

Live from Post-CRC Clark County‏

by lewwaters

 

By Professor Robert Dean

 

Ring Ring!

Brancaccio: Columbian, sup?

Stuart: Lou, Steve Stuart.

Brancaccio: Who?

Stuart: Steve Stuart – Clark County Commissioner.

Brancaccio: Baby! Sup?

Stuart: Commissioner Marc Boldt and I would like to take you on a tour of post-CRC Clark County, or rather, of I-5, from Woodland to the Tim Leavitt Bridge.

Brancaccio: You mean, outside – in the field? Sounds like fun.

Stuart: We’ll pick you up in one of our county limos at your office Downtown.

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November 22, 2011

Dashed Dreams of our Fathers

by lewwaters

Submitted by Professor Robert Dean

Bill B: Gentlemen, as County Manager, I have convened this workshop of the Clark County Commissioners to discuss the opportunity to heat and power county buildings in Downtown Vancouver using alternative energy sources – specifically, a bio-mass plant. Commissioner Steve S., I believe this was your idea.

Steve S: Thank you Bill! Yes, as you all know I am not a one-trick pony. Like the President, I have friends on both sides of the environmental protection movement. I was approached by some well-dressed fellows in black suits – I’m not sure which side they were on – who made us a business proposition we couldn’t refuse.

Marc B: I’m agin it!

Steve S: But Marc, why?

Marc B: I’m agin it! My dear old Dad was a farmer. He told me, Son – always be agin it. I have to remain true to his admonition. It’s what I stand for. It’s who I am.

Steve S: But you haven’t heard what their offer is.

Marc B: I’m agin it!

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